I'd rather not feel BLAH
I’d rather not feel blah. It’s not that I want to be in the depths of despair. But, honestly, that has more FEELS to it than a low-grade sadness. A sigh. A lack of feeling.
I’ve been told the grieving emotions come and go. That has certainly been the case for me. But, I guess I expected strong emotions. I expected sorrow and grief. Not blah. Blah makes it hard to do my job, play with my kids or make dinner. Blah makes me want to aimlessly wander my town looking for inspiration- looking for deeper sadness even.
Of course, unexplained peace and joy are welcome to the party. And I’ve felt those more acutely than ever before in my life. But, not the past few days.
I hope blah doesn't’ last too long. But, I’m trying to not shoo it off too quickly. I’m sure it has it’s sweet place in this whole process as well. It’s harder to feel God in the blah. It’s just harder to feel at all. And, apparently that’s what I prefer. To feel. Even if the feeling is deep sorrow and grief.
“Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from Your Presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. If I say, ‘Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,’ even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.” (Ps 139: 7-12)