Faith, however, calms us

And now it’s over. Her body is in the ground. The relatives have flown home. And mom missed the best party ever thrown for her. She would have loved it. She was always up for a celebration. (Have you heard of FOMO - Fear Of Missing Out- mom had it bad.)  It seemed strange mom wasn’t there to look into the eyes of all these people she loved! So many individuals she knew in one room. Oh, she would have liked talking with each of them. With each of you. Asking how you are and telling you something funny about herself.

I sat by dad during the memorial service yesterday. He cried through the whole thing. And he laughed. And he was so proud. I heard him say over and over, “The kids did good”. I love that my siblings and I are still “the kids” to him.

I was the last one to give a tribute before Pastor Jeremiah spoke. So I didn’t let myself cry too much before I got up to speak. But my nephew Tyler and niece Jill almost did me in. They loved their grandma and it was so sweet to hear them honor her. Again, I’m just praying my own grandkids feel as known and loved by me as mom’s did.

Somehow I hardly cried all day. It really must have been Divine help, because normally I get choked up speaking in front of people. But, I got through it. I felt like I should be weeping yesterday, but the tears didn’t come. I felt strong. I felt loved. I wanted everyone there to feel known and loved like my mom would have made them feel.

Those of you who came, and those of you who watched it live stream, and those of you who wanted to come but couldn’t, thank you. I didn’t realize how special it would be to have friends come. To have people want to be with us as we mourn, laugh, honor.

In my reading today this phrase stood out to me, “Faith, however, calms us.” I guess that’s how I feel right now. Calm. Sad. Strange. A bit in a fog. But calm. My mom wanted to be healed. She prayed to be healed. But she was a woman of faith. She wanted what God had for her above her own desires. She trusted His plan for her life. Although I never would have described my mom as a calm person (remember she had FOBO) her spirit was calm. And, thankfully, today mine is too.

Kate HagenComment