Apparently as soon as I’m alone I cry. I can’t tell if it’s a good thing or a bad thing that I’m so rarely alone. Would I just cry all day if I was alone all the time? Or would I get it fully out? I don’t know. And I don’t think it matters, really. I’m happy that I am usually with people.

Today some of my dear friends circled around me, with their hands on my back and heads down, and they prayed for me. It is so sweet to be prayed for. As they spoke to God on my behalf, the two words that stood out were FREE and LIGHT.

I am FREE. I’m not a slave to myself. I am not in bondage to sorrow. I am free indeed. I can choose to live in this freedom, or not.

My load is LIGHT. It is not burdensome or heavy. Jesus claimed that His yoke was easy and burden light. This has always brought me such comfort. I imagine my shoulders releasing their tension. I feel myself standing straighter. There is still sadness. But, somehow, there is rest.

A very scary verse to me is Isaiah 28:12 “...He [the LORD] said, ‘This is the rest with which you may cause the weary to rest,’ and, ‘This is the refreshing”; Yet they would not hear.”

~God, may I HEAR you as you offer me rest! ~

I have a hand drawn version of a different verse in Isaiah on my bookshelf. My special friend, Heather, made it and gave it to me when Mom was diagnosed with cancer. It’s brought me solace over the years. But I never knew the end of the Scripture until today. It begins beautifully and ends in a terrifying way. “In returning and rest you shall be saved; In quietness and confidence shall be your strength. (That’s the lovely part!) But you would not.”

~Oh God, may I not like those who would not listen. Like those who would not return and rest. I hear that you want to give me peace. I accept your gift. I am stubborn and slow and prone to doubt. I ask the same questions of You over and over. Yet, you keep quietly offering me freedom and light. ~

I allow myself to grieve. And I allow myself to receive mercy, grace and rest. As I think about the tears that come when I’m finally alone, I have to laugh and remember that, apparently, I’m never actually alone! God is always near. He is always here. Freedom and rest for the weary.

Come to Me,all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me; for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me; for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”


Kate HagenComment