Your kids will not turn out the way you expected!

“Your kids will not turn out the way you expected.”

A wise woman shared this thought with me. Her four adult boys are wonderful, brilliant, kind people. But, they’re not the kids she envisioned she would have when she dreamed of parenting. 

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This sentiment is so helpful to me. 

I love my kids and am actually extremely impressed with them. In a lot of ways they are “better” than I could have expected. But, each of them has something about them that is disappointing to me. 


I don’t say this to criticize my kids, but to normalize the reality we ALL have as parents. 

I don’t want to spend my parenting feeling disappointed. I don’t want to have an ideal for my kids I’m always hoping they live up to (even if the ideal seems attainable and RIGHT to me). 

I want to parent with curiosity as to who my kids actually are. I want to encourage personal discovery, risk-taking, even failure. 


And I will sometimes not like who my kids are. I mean, I don’t like who I am sometimes. So, this just seems fair.

In those moments I hope to be gracious and curious. To show empathy and not judgement. The old biblical word, “long-suffering” comes to mind.


None of us will have the kids we thought we would have. And that is good. We get the kids we were meant to have. That brings about a lot more adventure, growth and humility for us as parents. Whew. That’s hard, but good.



Kate HagenComment