I was done being chubby!

When I was 13 I decided I was done being chubby. That reputation was old and undesirable, so, I went on a diet...To this day, my brain still follows the same pathway...I see a sexy girl in a bikini and I think, “that’s what I want; that the goal.”

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Food, Body & Bible

Why did I think that being thin, toned, bikini-ready (I live at the beach) would make me happy? I would deceive myself into thinking I was doing it only for health reasons. Supposedly I mainly wanted energy, reduced joint pain, better sleep. And, I did (and do) want those things, but the REAL reason was to be thin. Thin and strong. And sexy. And admired. And looked-at. And accepted. Ugh. THAT AGAIN?!  

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A Pure Heart

It's always so relieving, and then so scary when I remember that everything comes down to the state of my heart; my soul. It's not what I put in my body; it's not what I eat that condemns me. (OH! how I've gotten this wrong.) It's not the social "laws" and niceties I follow that make me good and acceptable.

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My Memorial Service Tribute

Perhaps one of the sweetest comments I’ve read this week about my mom (if I could possibly choose one) said, “I wish I could have had her as my mom.” I don’t know why I got to have her. Not because I deserved such a gift. But, isn’t that like God. To give us things and people we don’t deserve.

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Belly Laughs

We have laughed hard. I didn’t expect so much laughter. Jill put on mom’s old red robe from the 70’s, with one of her scarves, and squeezed her toes into mom’s new black church shoes she never got to wear due to swollen feet. And she walked down the hallway pigeon-toed and ridiculous. And we all laughed hard, belly laughs.

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God didn't have to do that

Yesterday I found myself asking, where are you Mom? Are you really gone? Last night, right before going to bed, I stepped outside on the balcony. It’s where I would go to be alone and think when I was in high school. I wanted to feel mom. Suddenly there was a huge, long shooting star. You didn’t have to do that for me God. Thank you.

 

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How to pick a casket

Dad and I went shopping today. We picked out a casket. The sweet lady helping us asked what mom’s favorite color is. We laughed and said it was red. Do they make red caskets? Yes, they do. And, yes, that’s the one we got.

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Peaceful but Fighting

Today I helped mom clean out part of her closet. All you can do is shake your head and laugh. Peggy Leslie. When I used to get frustrated at her as a teenager she'd say, "Would you want a mom who's normal?!" Oh. This woman. So funny. So strong. So resourceful and determined.

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