All right, I'll write already!
And I write. Because I must. Because there are no more good excuses not to. Because I want to.
I am constantly hearing people's stories and wanting to get them down. Wanting them to be documented. Heard. Appreciated. I feel this urge to tell other's stories. So, I will.
I'm finally admitting the need to write everyday. No more waiting for the right time. The inspired time. The uninterrupted time. As every good writer says, just do it! Sitting down to write is the hardest part. So, that is why I got out of bed tonight to sit here and type.
Mom has come to visit me a couple time in my dreams recently. In the first, very vivid, dream she was bright and happy with pre-cancer hair. Puffy, whispy hair and a huge, radiant smile. It was a sweet and fun dream. The second time she was sick and trying to get me to do something. It was weird and kinda dark and confusing. I didn't like that dream as much.
I don't try to make something of these dreams. They are little gifts. Or little sorrows. They allow me to be with her again. But they are illusive and brief. They are not her. She was never brief!
Apparently, my mom wanted to tell me something this week, through my chiropractor. My chiropractor sat behind me and held my head. She couldn't see my face and I couldn't see hers. But she said, "Your mom wants me to tell you that she's okay. Everything is okay." I immediately nodded. Yes, I know that. The chiropractor said, "Yes, I can tell you know that." How? I'm not sure. The tension in my neck lessened, perhaps. My energy shifted. But, it was certain to both of us (all of us), I know Mom is okay. Even still, it was a powerful moment. To have someone talk to me for my mom.
Of course that doesn't work at all with my theology. But, that's mattering less and less to me these days. I love the Bible. I have never been more inspired, challenged, frustrated and changed by any other book. I read it a lot these days. But I'm no longer reading it to understand every word. To answer every question. To dot every i and cross every t. I read it find Jesus and His kingdom. A kingdom of love, peace, equality and justice. A kingdom where the poor are honored and the humble are lifted high. A kingdom that does not consider men better than women or Greeks better than Jews. Where free men and slaves are equal.
A kingdom where I can feel my Mother's love and presence through the hands of my non-religious chiropractor. Because Jesus certainly valued the non-religious and tended to rebuke the religious.
And this scares me. Because it is so wild. It is so unconstrained. And that is where the beautiful mystery lays. Supernatural Spirit and Truth. The two pillars. Both vital. Both useless on their own.
And now my meandering writing will come to a close for the night. I'm glad I got out of bed. Although this post is random and lacking any theme, I did it. I sat down and wrote. And that is a lot!